I should not post this. I tried my best not to let it out, but I want to now.
(Last year’s post)
It’s been six years since you distanced yourself from all of us forever physically. While we all moved on from the college lives to face the reality; I stop for moments to think about you daily. It’s hard.
For the two years we knew each other, it was you who woke me up with Good morning text. Ah, I remember fighting with you when you missed out occasionally. It puts a smile on my face whenever I think of the fights we had. It’s funny, isn’t?
Had I known if those were the only moments I get to spend with you, I would have made it special but I couldn’t.
I still feel you around me. I still see you whenever I look up the sky. I believe that you are the force that is guarding me against every bad thing. Whenever I’m confused, I look up the sky and ask for your opinion; rant about the things I face. I feel better. You cross my mind whenever I eat Lady’s finger because that was something you always used to feed me during the lunch hours. You know, that’s my favourite now. At times, I look at my tattoo which I finally got it. I feel like you are by my side. I feel great.
I try my best to justify that You were super brilliant (Yo! I would rather have you here) than all of us to learn about life so soon that you had to go, I still imagine about the days like our graduation, about our marriage and so on where we cannot see you but only believe that you were there watching us all from above.
I still remember that day. It was eight years back where I borrowed your scale for the exams. You had this long steel scale with your initials. After the exam, you told me to have it and promised me that whenever I miss you, I must hold the scale, and I can feel your presence. Yes, we both giggled that day but for the past five years, I do hold the scale tight whenever I feel bad. I still have that dress which I bought from my Industrial visit to gift you. Yes, this probably is the first time I’m telling it out. I wanted to surprise you but guess I cannot.
With time breaking most of my friendships, Do you think that the time would have pushed us apart?
I believe no.
I also believe that if you were there, I wouldn’t have faced a lot of troubles which I had to go through. I’m tired of having these monologue conversations where I don’t get to hear your voice now. I’m tired of not being able to look at you in person and not able to hear you sing. Now, Hearing your recorded version of ‘enge enadhu kavithai’ hurts me more.
I always wondered the way you were admired by everyone. I mean, I never have seen my mother talk about someone so much even many years. You are special.
People say to cry out loud about the person to feel light but you know, I haven’t shed a single drop of tears for you because I don’t want to let you and your thoughts go. I will take that to my grave so that when I meet you there, we shall talk about it again but hey, you will be all young and beautiful up there, right and I probably will be looking old with those fake teeth when we meet and I’m sure you will be laughing looking at me or Will you be sad for leaving you alone for all these years?
I’m sure you will be my guardian angel, my watchful protector, my saviour even though I cannot meet you in person.
Till we meet again…